Covid and Your Wedding: What 2020 Covid Weddings Taught Me

Covid effected the wedding industry in a big way last year, and to this day, still is. The impact from a financial perspective has been devastating to a lot of wedding professionals, but from the very beginning, I kept saying, “Don’t feel bad for me, my heart just goes out to the couples who are effected.” All of you were forced to make some really tough decisions if you got married last year or are planning to this year…..should you still get married or postpone? Should you change venues? Should you cut back the guest list? Should you just have a ceremony and forget the reception? From the beginning of wedding season when Covid first appeared, until the end on New Year’s Eve, every single wedding I had was impacted in some way, and the types of changes evolved throughout the season. A lot of my weddings early on felt like “normal” weddings, whereas by the end of the year, the mandates were explicit and some big changes had been made as to how the weddings could even operate (like mandatory masks, no dance floor, no guest congregating, etc).

In the end, most of my couples decided to go smaller, but still get married. There were a lot of “backyard weddings” and what are now being called “micro weddings” . A few couples were forced to change venues because the original venue they booked had closed down. Most cut their guests lists by half or more, and some had to beg people to even come at all anyways. I had one wedding where the bride had to decide to go forward or not without her parents being able to attend because they tested positive less than a week before their Big Day. I felt the turmoil of these couples that had to make some pretty heart wrenching decisions, and all I could do was offer a listening ear. Your wedding is a big deal….but so is everyone’s safety. Its tough. I get it. These are all decisions I’m glad I don’t have to make myself. As with many things in life, it is all about compromise anymore. For all the couple’s still looking to move forward with their 2021 weddings, I understand that you may have reservations because of stories just like these, and doubled with the restrictions, you may be second guessing the decision you’ve made to go ahead and get married.

But the one thing I kept hearing from each and every couple I photographed in 2020 was that while it wasn’t the wedding they originally planned, it was everything they wanted it to be, and perhaps even better in the end. Let me tell you a secret, I’m not surprised by that. The “intimate” weddings I’ve been a part of over the past 15 years I’ve been a photographer, well, they have always been my favorites. Everyone is just more relaxed and the atmosphere is completely different. Looking back, some of my favorite weddings had less than 20 people attending. These small weddings actually have more of a celebratory feeling than some of the “big party” weddings I’ve been a part of with over 400 guests. I promise you, it doesn’t matter how many people are present, only the quality of the relationship you have with the people.

The biggest takeaway for me in 2020 was that love wins. Nothing was going to stop these couples from becoming Mr. and Mrs. Not a virus. Not the government. Not a venue change. Nothing. The most important thing to them was ultimately being able to just get married. It wasn’t about the people, nor the party. It was only about each other. And I love that.

If you’re engaged and wedding planning, but just not quite sure what you want to do and how to proceed, first of all, take a deep breath. Ask yourself what matters most. There is no wrong answer. Maybe it is celebrate with your family and friends. Maybe it is to simply be married. Also consider your level of anxiety with Covid restrictions that may effect your day and how much stress that may cause you. And if you ultimately decide you want to get married, no matter what that kind of a day looks like to you, big or small, my piece of advice is to make sure to have a written understanding from all of your vendors that outlines cancellation and postponement policies due to Covid should they become absolutely necessary. Including these has become standard and you most definitely want to have a backup plan, just in case, plus an understanding of how these policies apply to your day. That is at least one step you can take to help manage the added stress of planning a wedding during Covid.

And if you’ve heard nobody is getting married during the pandemic, think again. Here’s some general 2020 wedding stats just for fun!

• October is the leader when it comes to the most popular time to get married (16%), followed by September (15%) and June (13%) The Knot

• A registered total number of 2,126,126 weddings took place, which means an average of 5,825 weddings took place each day Wedding Report

• Surveys reveal that love is the most important reason why the vast majority of Americans (88%) choose to get married Pew Social Trends (No surprise there!)

• The average wedding hosts 131 guests (The Knot)

• A basic insurance policy that covers anything from loss of photos, videos, attire, gifts, rings and deposits costs the newlywed couple in between $155 and $550 (The Knot)

• 50% of proposers believe the proposal was a surprise to their partner, but only 33% of proposees say they didn’t expect it (The Knot)

• A little over 10% of proposers ask their partner to marry them without a ring (The Knot)

• 87% of proposers say the exact words ‘Will you marry me’, while 84% get down on one knee (The Knot)

• And according to The Knot, the average for a wedding photographer is $2400

• In 52% of weddings, it’s the parents who cover most of the wedding costs Wedding Wire

Favorite Love Quotes for Valentines Day

I love to read. While I do love to write as well, I find it hard to express feelings as written words, so I love to collect phrases and quotes that express what I sometimes can not find the right words to say myself. I have boards upon boards of saved quotes on Pinterest (and you’ll see some favorites of mine scattered throughout the website and posted along with picture on my social media from time to time). What better day to share some of my favorite love quotes than Valentines Day!?!?! Here you go!

My personal favorites…..

“I choose you. And I’ll choose you, over and over and over. Without a pause, without a doubt, in a heartbeat. I’ll keep choosing you.” -The Chaos of Stars This is my absolute favorite of them all. I loved when I showed up to shoot a wedding this past fall and a large canvas hung on the wall where you walked in that had just this quote. If there is one thing I have learned about love, it is a choice you make, moment to moment, day to day, year to year.

“Fall in love. Maybe it doesn’t have to be with someone. Fall in love with music, art, dancing in the dark, car rides at 1am, the glistening of the stars, the colors of the sun as it rises, the smell of flowers, the feeling of adrenaline that takes over your whole body and suffocated your lungs with joy, good friends who bring out your best, silence, noise, fall in love with the little things that make you feel most alive and find purpose. Fall in love with life.” a.s.b.'

“I promise to love you fiercely if only you’ll crave me madly.” - Alison Malee

“Let’s fall in love as if the world was on fire and there is nothing left, but ash and us.” - Ruby Fransicso

“The sun loved the moon so much he died every night to let her breathe.” - unknown

“Someday someone won’t be afraid of how much you love. They won’t stay on the shore; they’ll meet you in the depths.” - via bl-ossomed

“Like any canvas, you just need to wait until the right painter comes.” - Emily Marie McBride

“We are all a little weird and, life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.” - Dr. Seuss

“I will love you as long as the sun burns in the sky, as long as the moon shines its light into the dark night, until the raging blue oceans become calm and run dry. I will love you until the end of time.” - Christy Ann Martine

“I don’t want you to love me because I’m good for you, because I say and do all the right things. Because I am everything you have been looking for. I want to be the one you didn’t see coming. The one who gets under your skin. Who makes you unsteady. Who makes you questions everything you have ever believed about love. I want to be the one who makes you feel reckless and out of control; the one you are infuriatingly and inexplicably drawn to. I don’t want to be the one who tucks you into bed; I want to be the reason why you can’t sleep at night.” - Lang Leav

And some other great quotes about love for fun……

“I may never find words beautiful enough to describe all that you mean to me, but I will spend the rest of my life searching for them.” - unknown'

“I’m so lucky to be yours. I don’t know who can handle me like you do.” -unknown

“I love you, in ways you’ve never been loved, for reasons you’ve never been told, for longer than you think you deserved and with more than you will ever know existed inside me.” - The Love Bits

“What is done in love is done well.” - Van Gogh

“I love you. After all this time. I still love you. It’s always been you. It was you yesterday. It was you today. It will be you tomorrow. And for the rest of my life. It will be you.” - unknown

“I always wanted you. Even before I knew you. It was you. You were the chapter that I didn’t know the words to, but always knew existed. And when I finally found it and began to read, I knew I was home.” - JmStorm

“I’m the lucky one who knew you, who still loves you, whose life will forever be divided into a before and after because of you.” - scribbles and crumbs

“He loved her, of course, but better than that. He chose her, day after day. Choice: that was the thing.” - Sherman Alexie

“Stay away from people who make you feel like you are hard to love.” - Quoteistan.com

“I think it’s beautiful, the way you sparkle when you talk about the things you love.” - Atticus

“The little things? The little moments? They aren’t little.” - thinkpositive.com

“A great relationship is about two things. First, appreciating the similarities, and second, respecting the differences.” - unknown

“Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.” - Dr. Seuss

“We feel in love, despite our difference, and once we did, something rare and beautiful was created” - Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

“You have me. Until every last star in the galaxy dies. You have me.” - The Love Bits

“He’s more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” - Emily Bronte

“I’ll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours.” - Bob Dylan

“And in the end I will seek you out amongst the stars. The space dust of me will whisper “I love you” into the infinity of the universe. - unknown

“No matter what happens to use, every day spent with you is the best day of my life.” Noah, The Notebook

“Fall in love with the person who enjoys your madness. Not an idiot who forces you to be normal.” - unknown

“The goal is to laugh forever with someone you take serious.” - unknown

“You will never be able to escape from your heart, so it is better to listen to what it has to say.” - Paulo Coehlo

“I just wanted to know you breathed and moved in the same world as me.” - F. Scott Fitzgerald

“I found you without looking and love you without trying.” - Mark Anthony

“For all the things my hands have held, the best by far is you.” - unknown

10 Biggest Mistakes I See When Preparing for Your Wedding Day

Hard to believe it, but this year marks 15 years I have been a wedding photographer. After over a decade working in the industry, I’ve seen and heard a lot. And if I haven’t experienced it firsthand, I have definitely heard about it from another wedding professional. I have so many stories I could share, but maybe we will save that for a different day. As a whole, wedding vendors have a lot of knowledge to offer to brides and grooms, who may not be so well versed in all things wedding related. That leads me straight to the first and biggest mistake I see….

1. YOU DON’T UTILIZE THE KNOWLEDGE OF VENDORS. You hire a team of professionals to be a part of your Big Day - a coordinator, florist, baker, dj, photographer, etc. The wedding industry is competitive, and many individuals offer the same services, but you hand selected YOUR TEAM because you loved what they offer and you trust them. Yet time and time again, I see brides who choose to not listen to their team after they ask for advice, or maybe they don’t even ask for advice at all. I get it, you know what you like and want. As wedding professionals, we WANT to make your dreams come true and it is our job to do so, but understand there are limitations and trust the professional when they tell you that. If your florist tells you a certain flower is not going to hold up in your bouquet, trust them, or you’ll end up with a brown bouquet of suppose to be white flowers. If your baker tells you the six tier buttercream frosted cake isn’t going to hold up in a 90 degree barn venue, trust him. If your photographer says pictures are going to take an hour but you only want to set aside 15 minutes, trust her, she knows how long it takes for her to capture what you’re asking for. It isn’t because they don’t want to help make your vision come to life, it is because they know you’re setting yourself up for failure and want to offer you a solution that will make your day go flawlessly instead. Trust the professionals.

   2. YOU DON’T CONSIDER YOUR GUESTS’ NEEDS. I’ve had guests sit for an hour in full sun and 90 degrees temps without water at a ceremony site waiting for a late bride to arrive. I’ve seen guests who all travelled from out of state get fed nothing but a side salad for dinner. I’ve seen guests stand at an outdoor winter ceremony while snow came down around them and the temp barely topped 20 degrees. In fact, I’ve seen quite a few inconsiderate things over the years and could make quite a long list probably. That is how this ends up as #2. Put your guests first and don’t ask something of them you wouldn’t want to do yourself. And please, consider your vendors as well. From a photographer’s point of view, we often get overlooked at dinner - it isn’t that the couple wants us to be hungry or not have a place to sit, it is that it never even crossed their mind to provide vendors with a seat or dinner. By the time dinner rolls around, I’ve usually been on my feet 4-6 hours, and a break and place to sit is just what I need. Take care of those who showed up because they love you or have dedicated their time to your day. Which also leads into #3…..

   3. YOU DON’T COMMUNICATE A SCHEDULE TO THE GUESTS. I often get asked how long photos will take after the ceremony and when the reception should start. The standard idea is that an hour is an acceptable amount of time and what most guests naturally expect. But I have a lot of couples with large gaps between the ceremony and reception because maybe the ceremony had to be early afternoon but they want a nighttime reception, or they have four places and “lots of pictures” they want to take and need extra time to do photos. Truth is, as long as you communicate an expectation to your guests and think of their needs, it doesn’t matter how long of a break there is. I’ll probably get some backlash for this opinion. But if you want a break for any reason, just make sure your guests know when to arrive at the reception by telling them on their invitation…it is that simple, really. If they know there is a break, they expect it, and they will plan accordingly. If you want to, provide them with a list of attractions to visit nearby, snacks or heavy appetizers, etc. If you don’t want angry guests, or an angry reception manager (when people show up two hours early), make sure to communicate the plan to them and all will be forgiven.

   4. YOU DO TOO MUCH YOURSELF. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. I see a lot of DIY weddings these days - Pinterest inspires them, or budget restricts them, and they just take too much on. It is so tempting, I get it. But you don’t want to overwhelm yourself with last minute baking, crafting, etc. when you’ll already be super busy with last minute tasks and setup. When you decide to be your own florist, that means the morning of your wedding you will be assembling bouquets, and you really should be resting up for the long day ahead. You don’t want to be baking cakes for three weeks prior to the wedding, or putting together centerpieces the night before. Brides overestimate what they can accomplish without getting rundown emotionally and physically. And the last thing you want to be on your wedding day is rundown, because you’ll look it. If budget is an issue, be smart about what you cut down on and what you should hire someone to do. And also be careful to not ask too much of your friends. While they may want to help, they also don’t want to feel like an unpaid vendor.

   5. THERE IS NO SCHEDULE FOR THE DAY. I see so many brides who ignore #1 and don’t ask for help setting a schedule. Your photographer is around you ALL DAY LONG, so ask them for help if you do not have a coordinator or planner. They see it all and can guide you with schedule creation. You are better off overbudgeting on time, than under estimating. Many times the bride is scheduled last for hair/makeup and many times I see the bride (of all people!) get rushed because of this. And as a photographer, I can tell you the person that always has to make up time because of everyone being behind….is the photographer. If you don’t want your photos to be rushed, and you want to capture your day while maintaining a relaxed atmosphere, set a relaxed schedule because you won’t have a hard time sticking to it. It will be worth the minimal extra money you spend to have vendors there for more hours of coverage over being rushed or not being able to do something you planned and will forever regret not getting to do, trust me.

   6. YOU LET OTHERS TELL YOU WHAT IS BEST . Nothing is worse than planning for months, only to hate everything on your wedding day. I can’t tell you how many times I hear, “I wish I hadn’t worn that necklace, I am more of a minimalistic person but my Maid of Honor talked me into it.” Or, “I didn’t like my lipstick. The makeup artist picked it out and I knew I didn’t like it, but I didn’t tell her.” Or worse yet, “I hate my photos. I knew I liked the other photographer better, but my Mom couldn’t see spending that much money. Now I hate the only memories we have captured.” I hear a lot of regrets, and it makes me truly sad. Brides get drug aboard the “Trendy Train” and regret this most - they plan a wedding that has nothing to do with who they are or what she and the groom like, but it was the popular “look” at the time to do. Do yourself a favor and advocate for yourself. If you feel strongly about something, don’t be afraid to say so. Nobody is going to label you a Bridezilla just because you have an opinion.

   7. YOU PRIORITIZE STYLE OVER COMFORT. This isn’t one just for the bride! I have even learned this one the hard way, so let me tell you a story….I use to always wear high heels. I’m talking 3-4”. And I did what I always do and wore them to the first wedding I shot. By the end of the night, by feet were bleeding and I could barely walk. They were so swollen I couldn’t even take off my shoes. Many brides wear heels and don’t even bring a back up pair to switch into. Let me tell you, rarely ever do you see a bride’s shoes once she puts them on (also, if you need to cut budget somewhere, remember this!) If you love to dance and plan on partying it up on the dance floor all night long, but you also like princess style dresses, remember how hard it is to dance in a ball gown or wear a gown that weighs an extra 20+ pounds all day long. Wedding days are long… fun, but long. Don’t forget that! Wear proper footwear, or bring a spare (guys, this is often a complaint I hear from the groom). And pick a dress appropriate for your venue and needs.

   8. YOU DON’T TRY YOUR DRESS ON ONE LAST TIME. I truly hate to have to bring this one up…but I have a lot of brides who get their dress many months prior to the wedding, and don’t try it back on. Or sometimes they are super focused on dieting, or stressed and eat the whole kitchen, and the inevitable happens. When you get your dress fitted, it doesn’t leave wiggle room…that is what a fitting is for. Which means you should pop it on one last time before your Big Day. Have someone make sure all the button and closures are there and well sewn on, look for missing pieces to your bustle (this one happens a lot), and just make sure it isn’t too big or too small (you need to be able to sit, and you shouldn’t have to rely on your photographer to provide you a nip/tuck PhotoShop operation). And if you didn’t plan on getting your dress altered because it is “close to perfect”, reconsider and make sure it is perfect. Another one of the biggest regrets I hear is from a bride not liking dress fit.

   9. YOU GET TOO DRUNK. This is another one I hate to have to bring up. But I’ve had weddings where the groom was too drunk to stand for the ceremony, or laughed through the vows. I’ve seen a groom kiss an ex girlfriend on the dancefloor. I’ve seen a bride throw up on her own dress. I’ve seen couple’s passed out side by side on the bathroom floor. I even once had a reception get shut down because the groom kept lighting cigarettes inside the venue and didn’t know what he was doing. You don’t want to not remember the biggest day of your life (so far) or get it cut short.

   10. YOU FORGET WHY YOU’RE THERE. Your wedding day isn’t about having everything go perfectly. It isn’t about having a magazine worthy venue setup, or the most beautiful centerpieces anyone has ever seen. It is about celebrating you and the person you love most in the world being united as one. The one piece of advice I offer every bride, especially if you know you are a perfectionist, is that , only you know what was planned. Not one guest knows what was “suppose to happen”. So don’t stress over the little things. Nobody will even know if something goes “wrong”, and sometimes the mishaps make for the most memorable moments anyway! Take time to take a deep breath and enjoy each other on your wedding day.