Hard to believe it, but this year marks 15 years I have been a wedding photographer. After over a decade working in the industry, I’ve seen and heard a lot. And if I haven’t experienced it firsthand, I have definitely heard about it from another wedding professional. I have so many stories I could share, but maybe we will save that for a different day. As a whole, wedding vendors have a lot of knowledge to offer to brides and grooms, who may not be so well versed in all things wedding related. That leads me straight to the first and biggest mistake I see….
YOU DON’T UTILIZE THE KNOWLEDGE OF VENDORS. You hire a team of professionals to be a part of your Big Day - a coordinator, florist, baker, dj, photographer, etc. The wedding industry is competitive, and many individuals offer the same services, but you hand selected YOUR TEAM because you loved what they offer and you trust them. Yet time and time again, I see brides who choose to not listen to their team after they ask for advice, or maybe they don’t even ask for advice at all. I get it, you know what you like and want. As wedding professionals, we WANT to make your dreams come true and it is our job to do so, but understand there are limitations and trust the professional when they tell you that. If your florist tells you a certain flower is not going to hold up in your bouquet, trust them, or you’ll end up with a brown bouquet of suppose to be white flowers. If your baker tells you the six tier buttercream frosted cake isn’t going to hold up in a 90 degree barn venue, trust him. If your photographer says pictures are going to take an hour but you only want to set aside 15 minutes, trust her, she knows how long it takes for her to capture what you’re asking for. It isn’t because they don’t want to help make your vision come to life, it is because they know you’re setting yourself up for failure and want to offer you a solution that will make your day go flawlessly instead. Trust the professionals.
2. YOU DON’T CONSIDER YOUR GUESTS’ NEEDS. I’ve had guests sit for an hour in full sun and 90 degrees temps without water at a ceremony site waiting for a late bride to arrive. I’ve seen guests who all travelled from out of state get fed nothing but a side salad for dinner. I’ve seen guests stand at an outdoor winter ceremony while snow came down around them and the temp barely topped 20 degrees. In fact, I’ve seen quite a few inconsiderate things over the years and could make quite a long list probably. That is how this ends up as #2. Put your guests first and don’t ask something of them you wouldn’t want to do yourself. And please, consider your vendors as well. From a photographer’s point of view, we often get overlooked at dinner - it isn’t that the couple wants us to be hungry or not have a place to sit, it is that it never even crossed their mind to provide vendors with a seat or dinner. By the time dinner rolls around, I’ve usually been on my feet 4-6 hours, and a break and place to sit is just what I need. Take care of those who showed up because they love you or have dedicated their time to your day. Which also leads into #3…..
3. YOU DON’T COMMUNICATE A SCHEDULE TO THE GUESTS. I often get asked how long photos will take after the ceremony and when the reception should start. The standard idea is that an hour is an acceptable amount of time and what most guests naturally expect. But I have a lot of couples with large gaps between the ceremony and reception because maybe the ceremony had to be early afternoon but they want a nighttime reception, or they have four places and “lots of pictures” they want to take and need extra time to do photos. Truth is, as long as you communicate an expectation to your guests and think of their needs, it doesn’t matter how long of a break there is. I’ll probably get some backlash for this opinion. But if you want a break for any reason, just make sure your guests know when to arrive at the reception by telling them on their invitation…it is that simple, really. If they know there is a break, they expect it, and they will plan accordingly. If you want to, provide them with a list of attractions to visit nearby, snacks or heavy appetizers, etc. If you don’t want angry guests, or an angry reception manager (when people show up two hours early), make sure to communicate the plan to them and all will be forgiven.
4. YOU DO TOO MUCH YOURSELF. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. I see a lot of DIY weddings these days - Pinterest inspires them, or budget restricts them, and they just take too much on. It is so tempting, I get it. But you don’t want to overwhelm yourself with last minute baking, crafting, etc. when you’ll already be super busy with last minute tasks and setup. When you decide to be your own florist, that means the morning of your wedding you will be assembling bouquets, and you really should be resting up for the long day ahead. You don’t want to be baking cakes for three weeks prior to the wedding, or putting together centerpieces the night before. Brides overestimate what they can accomplish without getting rundown emotionally and physically. And the last thing you want to be on your wedding day is rundown, because you’ll look it. If budget is an issue, be smart about what you cut down on and what you should hire someone to do. And also be careful to not ask too much of your friends. While they may want to help, they also don’t want to feel like an unpaid vendor.
5. THERE IS NO SCHEDULE FOR THE DAY. I see so many brides who ignore #1 and don’t ask for help setting a schedule. Your photographer is around you ALL DAY LONG, so ask them for help if you do not have a coordinator or planner. They see it all and can guide you with schedule creation. You are better off overbudgeting on time, than under estimating. Many times the bride is scheduled last for hair/makeup and many times I see the bride (of all people!) get rushed because of this. And as a photographer, I can tell you the person that always has to make up time because of everyone being behind….is the photographer. If you don’t want your photos to be rushed, and you want to capture your day while maintaining a relaxed atmosphere, set a relaxed schedule because you won’t have a hard time sticking to it. It will be worth the minimal extra money you spend to have vendors there for more hours of coverage over being rushed or not being able to do something you planned and will forever regret not getting to do, trust me.
6. YOU LET OTHERS TELL YOU WHAT IS BEST . Nothing is worse than planning for months, only to hate everything on your wedding day. I can’t tell you how many times I hear, “I wish I hadn’t worn that necklace, I am more of a minimalistic person but my Maid of Honor talked me into it.” Or, “I didn’t like my lipstick. The makeup artist picked it out and I knew I didn’t like it, but I didn’t tell her.” Or worse yet, “I hate my photos. I knew I liked the other photographer better, but my Mom couldn’t see spending that much money. Now I hate the only memories we have captured.” I hear a lot of regrets, and it makes me truly sad. Brides get drug aboard the “Trendy Train” and regret this most - they plan a wedding that has nothing to do with who they are or what she and the groom like, but it was the popular “look” at the time to do. Do yourself a favor and advocate for yourself. If you feel strongly about something, don’t be afraid to say so. Nobody is going to label you a Bridezilla just because you have an opinion.
7. YOU PRIORITIZE STYLE OVER COMFORT. This isn’t one just for the bride! I have even learned this one the hard way, so let me tell you a story….I use to always wear high heels. I’m talking 3-4”. And I did what I always do and wore them to the first wedding I shot. By the end of the night, by feet were bleeding and I could barely walk. They were so swollen I couldn’t even take off my shoes. Many brides wear heels and don’t even bring a back up pair to switch into. Let me tell you, rarely ever do you see a bride’s shoes once she puts them on (also, if you need to cut budget somewhere, remember this!) If you love to dance and plan on partying it up on the dance floor all night long, but you also like princess style dresses, remember how hard it is to dance in a ball gown or wear a gown that weighs an extra 20+ pounds all day long. Wedding days are long… fun, but long. Don’t forget that! Wear proper footwear, or bring a spare (guys, this is often a complaint I hear from the groom). And pick a dress appropriate for your venue and needs.
8. YOU DON’T TRY YOUR DRESS ON ONE LAST TIME. I truly hate to have to bring this one up…but I have a lot of brides who get their dress many months prior to the wedding, and don’t try it back on. Or sometimes they are super focused on dieting, or stressed and eat the whole kitchen, and the inevitable happens. When you get your dress fitted, it doesn’t leave wiggle room…that is what a fitting is for. Which means you should pop it on one last time before your Big Day. Have someone make sure all the button and closures are there and well sewn on, look for missing pieces to your bustle (this one happens a lot), and just make sure it isn’t too big or too small (you need to be able to sit, and you shouldn’t have to rely on your photographer to provide you a nip/tuck PhotoShop operation). And if you didn’t plan on getting your dress altered because it is “close to perfect”, reconsider and make sure it is perfect. Another one of the biggest regrets I hear is from a bride not liking dress fit.
9. YOU GET TOO DRUNK. This is another one I hate to have to bring up. But I’ve had weddings where the groom was too drunk to stand for the ceremony, or laughed through the vows. I’ve seen a groom kiss an ex girlfriend on the dancefloor. I’ve seen a bride throw up on her own dress. I’ve seen couple’s passed out side by side on the bathroom floor. I even once had a reception get shut down because the groom kept lighting cigarettes inside the venue and didn’t know what he was doing. You don’t want to not remember the biggest day of your life (so far) or get it cut short.
10. YOU FORGET WHY YOU’RE THERE. Your wedding day isn’t about having everything go perfectly. It isn’t about having a magazine worthy venue setup, or the most beautiful centerpieces anyone has ever seen. It is about celebrating you and the person you love most in the world being united as one. The one piece of advice I offer every bride, especially if you know you are a perfectionist, is that , only you know what was planned. Not one guest knows what was “suppose to happen”. So don’t stress over the little things. Nobody will even know if something goes “wrong”, and sometimes the mishaps make for the most memorable moments anyway! Take time to take a deep breath and enjoy each other on your wedding day.